A friend of mine often asks this question. He is a curious individual and one of the most critical thinkers I know. His examined takes on a range of topics often make me question my own beliefs.

Yet in conversations he prefers to listen, often defaulting to these four words. Since most opinions offered are automatic and safe, by asking “what do you mean?” he begins to uncover a person’s true examined thoughts.

One day while observing a conversation between him and a colleague, I noticed him using this question multiple times. His conversation partner would burrow his brow at this, not used to having his answers examined. The flow of topics drifted wildly but my friend listened without judgement. At the end of it, my colleague looked exhilarated.

“I learnt a lot about myself over this conversation,” he said. My curious friend simply smiled.

This is what makes him a good listener, I think.