Eric Tian

A few days ago, I found myself with some time to kill so I decided to browse some psychological effects on Wikipedia. Here’s some interesting ones I found.

The spotlight effect
The phenomenon where people believe they are being noticed more than they really are.

It’s easy to forget that we are the hero of our own stories, yet often simply a side character in others’. Few people think or care about us as much as we think.

The false concensus effect/consensus bias
A bias where people view their own characteristics and beliefs to be relatively widespread throughout the whole population.

We probably underestimate how unique some of our beliefs and values are. On the surface, we might see our friends and family behaving in similar manner to us, so we assume that they share our views. But often, we overestimate the popularity of our beliefs.

This bias is known to increase self-esteem in a social environment because one might subconsciously believe that they are fitting in and being liked by others. If you believe everyone thinks the same way as you, you’ll be more comfortable around them and feel as though you are liked.

Naïve realism
The human tendency to believe that we see the world around us objectively, and that people who disagree with us must be uninformed, irrational, or biased. To be more exact, the social psychologist Lee Ross proposes three tenets that make up naïve realism. People:

1. Believe that they see the world objectively and without bias.
2. Expect that others will come to the same conclusions, so long as they are exposed to the same information and interpret it in a rational manner.
3. Assume that others who do not share the same views must be ignorant, irrational, or biased.

Some of the greatest novels in history such as Les Misérables and War and Peace are compelling for this exact reason. You have characters that inhabit the same world and yet are so fundamentally different from each other. The moral conflicts that arise are fascinating because each individual believes they are doing right in their eyes, but are simultaneously appalling to others.

The best example that comes to mind is from Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables, where a police officer named Javert is on a ruthless hunt to capture the escaped convict Jean Valjean. Javert believes justice should be primary value in any civil society and that he is the one that must enforce it. On the other hand, Valjean has been converted from a criminal to a Christian and believes in the power of forgiveness and redemption. Both men think the other as mistaken, yet both are right. The struggle to defend one’s own belief is one of the many reasons this story is phenomenal.

We’ve all heard of IQ (a measure of logical intellect) and EQ (a measure of emotional intellect). Yet, in the fast-paced 21st century, perhaps the most important trait to have is neither a high IQ or EQ, but a solid adaptability quotient (AQ).

The future is becoming increasingly uncertain. A global pandemic is tearing apart customs, an artificial intelligence revolution is reshaping work and unprecedented problems like climate change and big data surveillance are changing global priorities every passing moment.

The surest way to be left behind is to learn something once, and not know how adapt. Your knowledge; your job; your expertise might not even be relevant in a few years. To be stuck stagnant in a fast-paced world is akin to moving backwards. It’s all relative.

To thrive, one must be able to adapt by forgetting and relearning. As Epictetus once said: “It’s impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.“

When you need to get something done, having artificial stresses can be hugely helpful.

For example, if you’re out for a run and feel like you can’t run any faster, imagine you’re being chased by a bear. The key word here is imagine: don’t just pretend it’s happening; feel the chase with every single fibre of your being. Picture the biggest, baddest bear you can imagine that will tear you to shreds if it catches you. You’ll find yourself tapping into energy resources you never thought you had. The bear, of course, doesn’t exist. But by creating this artificial stress, your body is forced to perform at a higher standard.

For the last two months, I’ve been doing this screen time challenge with my partner. Every week, we have to average less than two hours per day on our iPhones. You can go over two hours some days, but you just make up for it on other days. It’s to help us spend less time on our devices, which we both agree is a good thing.

If you average over two hours a day for a week, you pay the other person $200.

Of course, this punishment doesn’t really exist. No contract was signed with ANZ and Apple that takes $200 out of our bank accounts if we go over two hours per day, per week. But we both believe the punishment exists and it makes us more conscious about our screen time use.

So what makes a successful artificial stress? I’ve come up with three conditions:

The Three Conditions for Artificial Stress

1. The stress is for something worthwhile;
2. The stress is something real and significant;
3. The consequence is great

Examples:

	Running	Phone addiction
What the stress is for	Running faster	Being less reliant on devices
What the stress is	A bear chasing you	Potential to lose money
What the consequence is	Death	$200

The biggest problem is usually condition #2: the stress is something real and significant. To get pumped up by a stress, you have to first believe it. If you want to wake up earlier and the stress is that your bed will explode if you don’t, that might not be a very good stress. You probably don’t really believe it.

Imagination and accountability are key here. You need a good enough imagination to believe that your stress is real, and will happen if you fail. But if that’s not enough, you also need accountability to remind you that the stress exists. For example, if I ever feel overly addicted to my phone one day, my partner will gently remind me of our challenge. Are you ready to pay me $200? That always snaps me out.

I’m not recommending this for everybody. Some people are happy living quiet, stress-free lives and that’s totally cool. But if there’s a bad practice that needs fixing, having some artificial stresses can be a helpful tool.

The thing with posting things online is that you never know what will happen to it.

Sometimes I think of something and think, “Wow, this is amazing! I have to share it.” So I frantically journal the idea, explore every inch and carefully put it up here. But it ends up getting no response.

Yet other times, I share something generic and obvious, type it up within five minutes, and expect that people will find it boring. Yet, I soon see that it’s hugely popular.

This likely happens to all creators. When you see something amazing you think, “Jeez, I could never come up with something like that.” But it was probably obvious to the author and you just happened to see it for the first time that way. Everyone has ideas which are quite spectacular to other people.

We’re terrible judges of our work. We should just put it out there and let the world decide.

Credits to Derek Sivers for this idea.

One book I’ve been looking forward to for a while is Derek Sivers’ How to Live. Every chapter gives one suggestion on how to live and each one quietly resonated with a corner of my being. It’s a spectacular book.

The funny thing is was how conflicting some of these were. You can’t simultaneously do nothing (ch4) and be a famous pioneer (ch12). You can’t think super-long-term (ch5), yet do whatever you want now (ch11). These wants contradict at a fundamental level. But that’s okay – we’re all contradictory in nature.

But my favourite part of the book wasn’t a particular suggestion, it was the ending. I’m sure Derek won’t mind so I’ve put it down below. Don’t underestimate its simplicity.

Credits and congratulations to Derek Sivers for another phenomenal book.

My favourite quote from The Office (US) comes from Andy Bernard when he finally lands his dream job. Upon reflecting on this transition, he says:
“The weird thing is, now I’m exactly where I want to be; I’ve got my dream job at Cornell, and I’m still just thinking about my old pals… I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

Don’t forget to live.

A story on arrogance and the dangers of pity, originally published in the Ming Dynasty’s Oceans Stories of Past and Present (海說古今).

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One day, King Jian of Zhou was leading a hunting party through Zhongshan (中山) when he came across a wolf. The delighted king frantically took aim with his bow and arrow but missed and hit a nearby stone. The wolf, suddenly aware of its situation, desperately fled for its life with the hunting party in pursuit. As the wolf made its way through the forest, it stumbled upon a traveling Mohist scholar named Mr. Dongguo (東郭先生) and his donkey.

The wolf begged the scholar for help and explained that it would die if left alone. The scholar, who believed in universal love, pitied the wolf and decided to hide it in one of the bags strapped to his donkey. A few moments later, the hunters arrived and questioned Mr. Dongguo, who denied any knowledge of the wolf’s whereabouts. When the hunters left, Mr. Dongguo let the wolf out of his bag.

The wolf now asked the scholar to save his life again, this time from starvation. Mr. Dongguo offered the wolf some pastries, but the wolf smiled and said, “I don’t eat those, I dine solely on meat”. Puzzled, Mr. Dongguo inquired if the wolf intended to eat his donkey to which and the wolf replied, “No, no, donkey meat is no good”. To Mr. Dongguo’s surprise, the hungry wolf pounced on him and announced its intention to eat him. When Mr. Dongguo protested at the wolf’s ingratitude, the wolf argued, “You saved my life once. Why not do it again? Besides, I nearly suffocated while jammed in your little bag and you owe me for that.”

Dongguo and the wolf debated and finally decided to present their case to the judgment of three elders.

The first elder they presented their argument to was an old withering apricot tree. The tree related its own experience to the two on how when it was young, children used to pick its fruits from its branches and the tree would tell them to eat their fill. Now it was about to be chopped down to provide firewood. The tree agreed with the wolf. The wolf was very pleased.

The second elder they presented their argument to was an elderly water buffalo. The buffalo told its story on how it served its masters for many years dutifully providing him with milk and plowing his fields. Now its master wanted to butcher it so he could eat his meat. The buffalo too agreed with the wolf. The wolf grinned and felt even more justified in his request to eat the scholar.

The last elder they presented their argument to was a wise, elderly farmer. The farmer was skeptical and didn’t believe that the wolf could fit into the bag. The wolf scoffed in arrogance and crawled back into the bag to prove his story. Right then, the old farmer tied up the bag and began to beat the wolf with his stick. The farmer bashed the wolf to an inch of his life then untied the bag, dragging the wolf out.

Seeing the pitiful wolf, the scholar thought that the old farmer was too cruel. Yet right then, a weeping woman came running towards them and screamed at the wolf, explaining how it dragged off her little boy. Mr Dongguo, now no longer pitying the wolf, picked up the stick and landed the final blow to the wolf’s head.

Credits to Lynn for the story.

What’s the one thing you mustn’t forget when you leave the house?

It’s not your wallet. It’s not your phone. It’s not even your clothes.

It’s your key. If you forget everything else but have your key, you can go back in to get whatever else. But if you don’t have your key, you’ll be locked out of your place and everything in it.

In anything worth defending – a person, a job, an idea – it’s critical we know what the key is; the thing that will allow us to go back no matter the circumstance. For a person, it might be love. For a job, it might be fulfilment. For an idea, it might be passion. If we lose anything else, our precious possession might be injured, but not broken. Once we lose this critical part, the game is over.

Don’t forget the key.

A few days ago, I realised I’ve accumulated a lot of quotes from my note-taking – whether that be from my Kindle or just on Notion. For the sake of organisation, I’m starting a new series on this blog where I find some common threads between quotes and group them together as food for thought.

Today’s theme: happiness.

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Robin Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari
“Alright, the secret of happiness is simple: find out what you truly love to do and then direct all of your energy towards doing it. If you study the happiest, healthiest, most satisfied people of our world, you will see that each and every one of them has found their passion in life, and then spent their days pursuing it. This calling is almost always one that, in some way, serves others. Once you are concentrating your mental power and energy on a pursuit that you love, abundance flows into your life, and all your desires are fulfilled with ease and grace.”

Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
“For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself.”

Paul Kalanithi, When Breath Becomes Air
“That message is simple: When you come to one of the many moments in life when you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more, but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing.”

Scott Adams, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big
“Happiness has more to do with where you are heading than where you are.”

Derek Sivers, Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur
“Happiness is the real reason you’re doing anything, right? Even if you say it’s for the money, the money is just a means to happiness, isn’t it? But what if it’s proven that after a certain point, money doesn’t create any happiness at all, but only headaches? You may be much happier as a $1 million business than a $1 billion business.”

It’s easy to let a bad habit slide. One unhealthy meal won’t much the scale much. One late night won’t hurt too much the next day. One cigarette won’t hurt you immediately. A single, poor decision is easy to dismiss.

It’s the repeated 1% errors and excuses that compound into toxic results.

From Atomic Habits:

The impact created by a change in your habits is similar to the effect of shifting the route of an airplane by just a few degrees. Imagine you are flying from Los Angeles to New York City. If a pilot leaving from LAX adjusts the headings just 3.5 degrees south, you will land in Washington, D.C., instead of New York. Such a small change is barely noticeable at takeoff – the nose of the airplane moves just a few feet – but when magnified across the entire United States, you end up hundreds of miles apart.

But luckily, the opposite is true. Consistent 1% improvements to your life can lead to a dramatic results in the future. The first step is not giving into that 1% concession.