Eric Tian

One of my most surreal memories came from the age of 15. It was a cold and quiet Friday night. The street lights were off and the neighbourhood was painted pitch black. I was chatting on the driveway with a few friends and a mentor of ours – six in total. Suddenly, our mentor told us to stop.

Look up, he said.

We didn’t hear him at first. A few of us were laughing at how we couldn’t see each other. A little boy was complaining at how he was cold. Yet, our mentor insisted.

Look up.

When we craned our necks to look upward, all six voices fell silent. The sky was breathtaking. It was one of the most spectacular starry nights I had ever seen. Millions and millions of stars lit up the dark canvas like candles in the dark. The night, which seemed so dark and mysterious, was graced with pockets of light from thousands of light years away. We stood there enchanted for a good 10 seconds or so.

What my mentor said next I’ll never forget.

The world can be incredibly dark. This darkness can be scary; at times it might even be suffocating. It might threaten to engulf you whole.

But look at the stars. Just one star produces enough light to vanquish all the darkness. And if you have many stars, suddenly the world looks dazzling. But it all starts with that one star.

We are all stars. Whenever the darkness feels like too much, remember that you can do something about it. If you see no light in your world, be the light yourself. Shine.

Yet, it’s not so easy to shine. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Us being small does not serve the world. There is nothing impressive in shrinking into insignificance.

To shine is a challenge to be different. To be a light in times where darkness prevails. And who knows? Perhaps liberating our own fear gives permission for others to do the same.

“For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it.
If only we’re brave enough to be it.” –
– Amanda Gorman, The Hill We Climb

Yes and no are often thought of as being two sides of the same coin.

But in reality, the difference between these two is enormous. Let me explain.

Yes is saying no to everything else; whereas no is saying yes to anything else.

If you say yes to a 15-minute call at 2:00pm, you devote that 15 minutes to that call and nothing else. You’re not eating, brushing your teeth, or moving your attention. Nothing else goes into that scheduled time. When you say yes, you say no to everything else.

More still, this 15-minute block affects more than the scheduled time. You know what it feels like: one appointment causes the day to shift and swing towards this event’s centre of gravity. 12:00 isn’t 12:00, but 2-hours-until-that-appointment o’clock. The day which was once free for anything, now rotates around this 15-minute call.

On the other hand, no is one of the most liberating things out there. When you say no to an offer, you free up that time to do anything you want. You could read a book, take a nap, call a loved one or watch a movie. The possibilities for that 15 minute block are endless. When you say no, you say yes to anything else.

This isn’t to start a war against scheduling time and saying yes. Having a weekly timetable and embracing new challenges are two practices that I firmly stand by.

But for the ones who value freedom and autonomy, the reminder here is to be careful of what we say yes to. Often, the hidden dangers of a “yes” far outweigh the FOMO of saying “no”.

Here are five ideas that I’m currently warming to, plus five rebuttals from a disgusted, younger me.

1. You don’t need to be the top of your class. Just being average is fine, so long as you know the fundamentals. Only this person has enough time to pursue other skills and hobbies.

Previous me: Excelling academically is one of the highest priorities one can hold, for this will unlock opportunities later on to enjoy life (related: The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman).

2. There is nothing but the present moment. This moment in time and space is perfectly unique and impossible to grasp.

Previous me: Having a vision to work towards is one of the greatest ideals one can have.

3. Nothing has intrinsic meaning. Everything – place, person, or song – is a blank canvas; you can project whatever meaning you want onto it.

Previous me: The most meaningful thing one can do is figure out why they were placed on this world and to live it.

4. If someone ignores my invitation or message, following up with them is a sign of respect – they may have just been busy or forgot to reply.

Previous me: If someone ignores my invitation or message, I should just let them be. They clearly don’t want to deal with me.

5. People are really interesting. The threads that intermix and weave together to form a person are enchantingly beautiful. Yet, cultivating lasting friendships can be difficult.

Previous me: People are all the same. Making friends is easy: just don’t judge others.

In 1923, Walt Disney’s first studio went bankrupt. Its cartoons were ridiculously expensive and lost a fortune. While Steamboat Willie made Disney a credible animator, business success was an entirely different story.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs changed everything.

The $8 million it earned in its first six months of 1938 was the most a film ever made in that time. Walt Disney Studios was transformed. All debts were paid off. Employees got retention bonuses. The company purchased a state-of-the-art studio in Burbank, where it remains today.

An Oscar turned Walt from an established animator to an overnight celebrity. By 1938, he had produced several hundreds of hours of film. But business wise, the 83 minutes of Snow White were all that mattered.

Everyone understands 80/20 rule: that roughly 80% of outcomes come from 20% of the causes. The law of the vital few. In Walt Disney’s case, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was more like 99/1. This one outlier transformed his life.

One of my favourite pastimes is experimenting with habits. Once, I meditated every day for two months straight. Another time, I woke up at 6:30am for a whole semester. Right now, I’m trying to read 30 minutes before I go to bed.

Yet, the vast majority of these habits don’t last. Some of them I can’t control, like injury preventing me from running. Others, like meditating or waking early, I just fell out of since it wasn’t worth it anymore.

Only two habits have stuck with me: reading and writing. And these two outliers have easily shaped over 90% of the person I am today.

Furthermore, I can count on two hands the books that have shaped me the most. In my journaling, a select few entries contain the most powerful lessons. On this site, a handful of posts drive the majority of views: Agnosthesia: The Curse of Uncertainty, Monologue of an Introvert and Minimum Viable Happiness amongst others. Ironically, the posts I expected to do the best got no attention at all. But that’s a story for another time.

One lesson from all this is to wildly experiment. Walt Disney would have never created Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs if he didn’t move out from cartoon shorts to a full-length cartoon. Similarly, I would’ve never gotten into reading if I maintained my pessimism towards literature from high school.

If you’re looking for practices that will change your life, throw as much as you can against a wall and see what sticks. Only God knows what outliers lie in store.

Credits to The Psychology of Money: Timeless Lessons on Wealth, Greed and Happiness for the above story – an amazing book, deserving of its title (and thank you Lynn for the recommendation).

Upon being asked the question, When you think of the word “successful,” who’s the first person who comes to mind and why?, Derek Sivers replied:

The first answer to any question isn’t much fun, because it’s just automatic. “What’s the first painting that comes to mind: Mona Lisa. Genius: Einstein. Composer: Mozart.”

This is the subject of the book “Thinking Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman.

There’s the instant, unconscious, automatic thinking. Then there’s the slower, conscious, rational, deliberate thinking.

I’m really into the slower thinking. Breaking my automatic responses to the things in my life, and slowly thinking through a more deliberate response instead.

Then, for the things in life where an automatic response is useful, creating a new one consciously.

So what if you asked, “When you think of the word successful, who’s the third person who comes to mind, and why are they actually more successful than the first person that came to mind?”

In that case: first would be Richard Branson, because that’s like the stereotype – the Mona Lisa. And honestly, you might be my 2nd answer, but we can talk about that later.

My third and real answer is we can’t know, without knowing their aims.

What if Richard Branson set out to live a quiet life, but like a compulsive gambler, just can’t stop creating companies? Then that changes everything, and we can’t call him successful anymore.

Intuitions often don’t come from a place of wisdom, but a place of habit. They’re the narratives that have been engrained into us, day after day, until they take root in our psyche. With time, some narratives become outdated.

Recently, my housemate asked me if I would join the NBA for a year if given a contract. My intuitive response was no, because I suck at basketball and I would just embarrass myself if I played. That would also mean taking time off of medical school, which I might regret.

But then I thought about it. Being in the NBA would be awesome, because I:

1. Don’t have to play any games;
2. Can just take a leave of absence from school;
3. Will meet top athletes and coaches;
4. Can travel the world; and
5. Should make a lot of money (the average NBA salary is $7.7 million USD).

Thus, I changed my answer to a yes. My immediate response was outdated and formed by a worldview from my adolescent period: that I shouldn’t do something I suck at and that school is important.

But how do we know if our intuitions are outdated? Here’s my two cents:

Reflect. On everything. Take notice of how you react to ideas and circumstances, and see if these thoughts align with the person you are today. Once you’ve done this, filter. Anything that isn’t you or came from a previous version of you needs to quietly go. Anything you resonate with, keep.

Our automatic responses are useful – but like an organization, they need to be audited.

Are we not ever-changing, both gradually and per situation?

The interview at the start can be found on the Tim Ferriss Show #128. Highly recommended.

In the start-up space, one of the core commandments is to create a MVP: a Minimum Viable Product. This MVP is a version of a product with just the minimum number of features for it to be usable by early customers. This is great for receiving quick feedback to improve.

Similarly, the Minimum Viable Happiness (MVH) is the minimum number of features one needs in their life to be happy. It’s the scenario where you think, “even if everything else goes wrong, I’m okay with this right now.”

Everybody has their own MVH. One person might require an en-suite to be fulfilled; another could be content sleeping amidst nature. One person might need to be surrounded by friends and activity; another could find solitude totally blissful.

Recently, I’ve been testing different MVHs for myself. One day, I continuously listened to music to see if solitude was necessary for my happiness. That was a really miserable day. Now I know having some quiet is critical for my health.

Another day, I decided to not write anything to see if writing was important. No notes, journaling or typing. That day was also excruciating. Now I know I need to be able to write to get through the day.

So far, my MVH is pretty low. To be happy, all I really need is some quiet, somewhere to write on and a few close friends, plus around $50 a week to cover food and water. Having a comfortable bed, being around nature and living in moderate temperatures are a great bonus, but unnecessary.

As well as cultivating gratitude, clarifying your MVH also helps you focus your attention. If you know what keeps you content, you can now focus on other priorities such as learning new things or bettering the world, knowing you’ll be happy with anything.

Here’s to more MVH testing.

In the Olympics, three people stand on the podium after an event: the Gold, Silver and Bronze medallist.

Imagine the silver medallist. Just one second faster and you would’ve won! Argh! You mull over the little imperfections in your performance, knowing that you stand there as the number one loser. Yikes.

But now imagine the bronze medallist. Just one second slower and you wouldn’t be here! Awesome! You smile brightly at the cameras, knowing full well that you fought a hard battle to stand where you are.

Often, where we focus determines our happiness. Do we look up, like the silver medallist, or look down, like the bronze medallist? Looking up can fill us with contempt and sadness. Looking down can fill us with gratitude and happiness.

One day, I was reading reviews on the iPhone 12 and wondered if I should replace my iPhone X. Well, I’ve had my phone for a while, I told myself. It’s pretty good, but not great. I started resenting people with iPhone 12s, knowing full well what I’m missing out on.

But then I realised: for what it does, my phone is seriously amazing. It has plenty of storage, a comfortable UI and a great camera. I literally filmed six YouTube videos on this phone! Why should I care about upgrading my phone when it does everything I need, plus much more?

This bronze medallist mindset saved me $1400 and put me in a great mood for the rest of the day.

On the other hand, if you’re being ambitious, it can be productive to adopt the silver medallist’s mindset. Being dissatisfied and always looking for more can be powerful drivers for improvement. As my dad used to say, If you want to be number one, just find the current number one and do one point better.

But if I could only choose one mindset to adopt, it’d be the bronze medallist. Being a silver medallist can be motivating, but comparing up can lead to a terrible cycle of chasing perfection. It depends what you want, I guess: ambition or gratitude. Looking up vs. looking down.