When do you call someone a friend?
I’ve come to know a fair few people in the years I’ve been alive. Yet, it’s difficult to say how many I would call friends. Many of them are simply people that existed around me at the same place at the same time, like school or the neighbourhood. There aren’t many I would call my friend.
So what makes one a friend? Is it how long you’ve known someone? How aligned your values are? Or perhaps it’s how much mutual respect you have for one another?
Upon reflection, there’s really only one trait that determines whether I deem someone a friend.
Emotional safety.
It doesn’t matter if you worship money, God or happiness. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich, poor or average. It doesn’t matter if you like running, gymming or neither (running is the best though).
If I can openly talk to you and feel safe from judgment or ridicule, then you’re a friend.
This seems like a low bar, but it is one that is quite rare. To listen quietly while facing a broken and torn spirit is one of the highest qualities people can exhibit. While I try my best for those around me, I constantly fail.
What I’ve noticed is that my closest friends, while ranging across diverse interests and values, all make me feel safe. Those that I feel unsafe around, I unconsciously stay away from.
The ability to give emotional safety is one of those qualities that make man just a little bit more divine.