I have a friend, which for his privacy I’ll call Ara.

Ara is one of the best conversationalists I know. When he talks, he has a way of making you feel interesting, and invites you to speak more, as though he is fascinated by your story. Even behind his back people speak highly of him. I think that’s when you know you’ve truly touched another’s world.

One day I asked him how he made people so heard, and he essentially said two things:

1. Make the other person feel interesting
2. Encourage genuine vulnerability

Ara loves saying a phrase: that’s interesting. It’s so subtle, but works because it does two things. First, it shows the speaker that he is paying attention and interested; a verbal nod similar to a “mm-hmm” or a “I see”. Second, it affirms the reader that they themselves are someone worth listening to. It is a stamp of approval on one’s character and makes them stand a little straighter, for being interesting makes one feel special.

I used to love saying “tell me more”. But since, I’ve realised that what this misses from “that’s interesting” is the second point: the mark of approval on a person’s character. Both phrases express interest and encourage further discussion, but the difference is “tell me more” doesn’t doesn’t necessarily make you feel special. You could tell a computer to tell you more information on Wikipedia – it is a command, not an affirmation. But “that’s interesting” is an immediate observation on character, which feels nice. And as Maya Angelou observed: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Ara also fosters an environment of genuine vulnerability. In a conversation, he listens very carefully to understand your viewpoint and asks questions along the way. And once he understands, he shares his honest opinion, which is generally one that has considered everything you have just said. And in doing so, he shares a story, or says something absurd in such a plain manner that it makes the reader comfortable to share quirky ideas of their own. He makes it clear that everything you get from him will be an honest opinion, but he will accept you regardless what you say, because he himself is weird. It fosters a non-judgmental environment and allows the speaker to be themselves without hiding behind a mask.

I’ve found that these two things: making a person feel interesting, and letting them speak openly, are keys to touching someone’s world. By building one up, and letting them be their best self, Ara is a beacon of light to those around him. Around Ara, people stand a little taller, laugh a little louder, share a little deeper. And in a world where people fight for attention in conversations, and push and shove to get their point across, if you can make people feel interesting and heard, you might just be able to change the world.