This week was a week of missed opportunities.

Missed the deadline for an abstract submission. Missed the deadline for a short story submission. Procrastinated on an overseas clinical elective and got rejected – it was a first-come-first-serve basis.

While I wish there was some valid excuse for these failings – some cataclysmic event or medical tragedy – the truth is that the fault was all mine. The deadlines were clear and I had lots of time to prepare. There were even people reminding me to submit them on time. But I procrastinated, thought I could do it all in the last moment, as I had done for so many other things, and paid the price.

One of my deepest early regrets is not spending more time with my dad when I could. I thought, despite medical warnings, that he would live forever; that seeing him at hospital wasn’t as important as homework or playing computer games. There would always be time later. I think in some gentle way he encouraged that illusion; he never sat me down and told me that our window of time together was rapidly shrinking. I think he didn’t want to hurt me.

The day he died and the illusion shattered, I cried for a long time. There were so many opportunities to hug him, tell him I loved him, to ask about his life. The saddest windows close when the people you love slip away.

You would think his death would be a lesson to wake up and not let life idly pass me by. But I guess I’m a slow learner.

Paul Graham writes in Life is Short:

“The usual way to avoid being taken by surprise by something is to be consciously aware of it. Back when life was more precarious, people used to be aware of death to a degree that would now seem a bit morbid. I’m not sure why, but it doesn’t seem the right answer to be constantly reminding oneself of the grim reaper hovering at everyone’s shoulder. Perhaps a better solution is to look at the problem from the other end. Cultivate a habit of impatience about the things you most want to do. Don’t wait before climbing that mountain or writing that book or visiting your mother. You don’t need to be constantly reminding yourself why you shouldn’t wait. Just don’t wait.”