The vast majority of our emotional and spiritual suffering comes from the violent collision between our expectations and reality. And in the aftermath, broken and bruised, we further torture ourselves by screaming at the world; outraged at how reality dared defy what we demanded of it.

Recently, I was deeply wounded by a close friend. I’ll keep this person anonymous and the details hidden but it was one of the most hurtful and disorienting periods of my existence. This injustice has darkened my painting of the world, now botched with disappointment and resentment. My faith in human relationships – a force I once trusted so strongly – has begun to crumble.

But perhaps the most infuriating reflection is that this disappointment is not to be blamed on the failure of the other, but on my own powers of reason; that had I aligned my expectations closer to reality, this anguish could be avoided and even expected. From Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations:

You’ll find that none of the people who make you lose your temper has done anything that might affect your mind for the worse; and outside of the mind there’s nothing that is truly detrimental or harmful for you… After all, you even had the resources, in the form of your ability to think rationally, to appreciate that he was likely to commit that fault, yet you forgot it and are now surprised that he did exactly that.

I guess the antidote now is slow and gentle progress; to use this experience as spiritual windscreen wipers and be reminded that the project of seeing clearly – a lifelong endeavour – is the greatest defense against emotional anguish.