For the last two weeks, I’ve been conducting a social experiment on myself. It involves saying hi to people.

Basically, the rule is: If you make eye contact with somebody that isn’t preoccupied, go up and say hi.

Sounds easy enough, right? But let me tell you: as an introvert, this challenge was tough.

In the hospital, it takes two minutes to scan open the doors, drop off your bag in your locker and leave. But in that span of time, you often bump into at least three or four colleagues and staff, and it’s almost impossible to brush past them without them noticing you.

The first day, I saw a colleague in the locker room who I’d noticed before but had never spoken to. He looked up as I walked in, and quickly glanced away. From what I’d observed, he was soft spoken and kept to himself, but always attended morning ward rounds. He was taking out his stethoscope when I approached him.

“Hey.”

He looked up, surprised, when I spoke. I suspected he wasn’t used to people greeting him in the locker rooms.

“Oh, hi.”

“Morning ward rounds?”

“Yep.”

After a brief pause, I asked about his ward experience so far. Slowly, the awkwardness subsided. He revealed how he has to wake up at 5am to get to hospital but likes to see the sunrise so it doesn’t bother him, and I said I envied him being able to wake up so easily.

“When I wake up before 8am, I have to play Wordle to stimulate my brain, or I just fall back asleep,” I said. He laughed.

When we said bye, it seemed like I had made a friend. Our conversation wasn’t awkward at all, and despite only lasting a minute or so, I felt we were on good enough terms to talk more in the future.

Not all interactions were so easy. There were moments when I made eye contact with someone, but they looked away, preoccupied. There were moments when I said hi, and they said hi back, but we were both walking in different directions, or with other people, so it wasn’t clear if we needed to start a conversation. Then there were the moments when I said hi, but whether due to fatigue, not hearing or simply not in a talking mood, they ignored the greeting. Those hurt the most.

But these were the minority of cases. Most interactions were surprisingly easy. It almost felt like they were waiting for me to say hi, and when I did, they seemed to open up naturally. That surprised me a lot.

Overall, after meeting a few dozen new people, there are three lessons I’ve taken away from this social experiment.

1. Superficial conversations are often a prerequisite for genuine connection.

For the first few days, a lot of time was spent discussing the weather, how study was going, or any interesting patients that were seen on the wards. Pretty generic stuff.

But I’ve since learnt that these initial interactions are all part of proving that one can trust another. By talking about a safe and common topic, one can gauge whether to trust another with more important, personal information like values, family or politics. In every conversation, one assesses, “Do I feel like I’m being listened to? Do I feel safe sharing my opinion? Do I feel like I’m being judged?”

The first few conversations are a test to see whether you deserve to hear more personal and controversial topics later on. The real connection begins once you’ve earned this right.

2. “What do you mean?”

This phrase works wonders if you feel a conversation dying, or you want to probe the speaker a little more.

It shows you’re interested enough in what they’re saying, and listening close enough to notice any inconsistencies or gaps. People generally love to elaborate.

It also acts as a get-out-of-jail card if you had a lapse of concentration while they were speaking, though people never interpret it this way.

Another substitute for this is, “tell me more,” but this feels a little too confronting for my personal taste.

3. People are usually waiting for you to say hi.

If you ever wonder why nobody says hi to you, chances are everyone else feels the same way. For nearly all the conversations I started, a common thread was, “Oh hey, I’ve seen you around too, but never said anything.”

When we finally did start talking, they seemed pleased, almost relieved that the tension had been broken. Most people, I’ve found, are pretty happy to talk. They’re just too tired, scared, or shy to make the first move. Once an introduction has been established, turning strangers into acquaintances is surprisingly easy. The first greeting is often the hardest one.

If there’s one thing I would say to my younger self after this experience, it would be that people are far less scary than you think. Introduce yourself readily and you’ll come across extraordinary people. Once formal impressions and masks are stripped away, there’s a lot of beauty in the world.

The first move is yours to make.