Eric Tian

Every three months, I take some time to reflect on the time that’s passed. The clarity and excitement that comes from these posts is enormous and they’re always a pleasure to write. As usual, we’ll be tackling the questions:

What was good?
What wasn’t so good?
Goals for the months ahead?

Let’s go.

The Good

1. Happiness

I’ve been in a great mood recently. I think part of it has been due to me doing things I’ve always wanted to do but have been too scared to in the past. These include:

• Interviewing strangers (video here)
• Having a conversation with friends on camera (video here, more incoming)
• Baking bread
• Starting a book analysis/review video (to be finished)
• Finishing a 28-day ab challenge with my partner (oh Emi Wong, the pain you’ve caused…)
• Cutting toxic friendships

And so, these months have passed fairly slowly as I never felt too stuck in a routine. When August rolled around, my first reaction was wow, took you long enough. Novel things slow down time.

2. Learning

Since April, my daily Anki review challenge has increased from 50 to 300 and it’s really paying off. Medical concepts that were previously foreign to me have become less bizarre. Limb anatomy now no longer terrifies me. It’s amazing how much progress you can make with consistent habits.

Schooling-aside, I’ve also changed my views on various ideas over the last few months, from morality, psychology and friendships. Many of these have been the result of reading and reflecting upon books, which I still firmly believe is the greatest form of knowledge available. The practice of re-examining a dusty idea and polishing it into a diamond is beautiful, and I’m glad to have had many opportunities these months to do so.

The not-so-good

1. Prioritising time

Sometimes, I feel like a piece of paper floating in the wind. There’s so many things I want to do each day: write, read, film a video, clean my apartment, study, catch up with loved ones, exercise, eat, work, sleep… and still leave room for novelty. It’s also increasingly difficult to define which ones are wants and which ones are needs. Sometimes, I’ll neglect sleep, eating and exercise to edit a video and it seems totally fine in the moment. But maybe it’s not.

It’s nice to have ambitions, but sometimes I feel myself being stretched a bit thin. I wonder what would happen if I devoted more energy into mastering one hobby, rather than having various pots simmering lukewarm.

2. Fatigue

Somewhat related to the last point, but I’m feeling more tired than usual these days. I have a few suspicions as to why, such as low iron and dehydration, so the next few months will be a hunt to find out the cause.

I’m still in a great mental mood, but just a little fatigued underneath; like a gentle happiness, one that won’t erupt, but simmers gently, giving off a soft level of contentment.

Goals

1. 3x YouTube videos a month and 3x posts a week;
2. Keep up accountability challenges;
3. Sleep more, drink more water and get a blood test.

Another three months, another check-in. Here we go with the same questions as usual:

What was good?
What wasn’t so good?
Goals for the months ahead?

Let’s do it.

The Good

1. Novel Experiences

Close friends of mine will know that a fair amount has happened in the last few months, not all pleasant. I got diagnosed with atypical pneumonia (largely resolved, thankfully). I felt betrayed by a close friend. I’ve forced myself to study and work out when I didn’t really want to (more on that below).

All of this has been fertilizer for growth. Though these experiences were by no means extreme, they were uncomfortable enough to force me out of my comfort zone. And when one is forced to adapt, they often get better.

Here’s to more challenges. Onwards and upwards.

2. Consistency/Accountability

In February, I expressed frustration at my partner for my lack of YouTube videos. I felt like posting more was something I wanted to do but couldn’t muster the discipline to. After some discussion, we entered into an agreement which was this: either I post one YouTube video a month or I have to pay her $200.

Since the agreement, I haven’t missed a video (February, March).

Due to this raging success, I’ve found myself entered into more agreements such as:

• Do 50 Anki cards a day or pay $50;
• Spend <2 hours per day per week on the iPhone or pay $200;
• With a $120 upfront payment, perform 120 sets of upper body workouts at the gym to get $1 back per set.

I used to severely underestimate the power of accountability. It’s easy to think that you’re good enough on your own; that you’re disciplined enough to do what you’re supposed to do, when you’re supposed to do it.

But in times when you’re feeling lazy and just want to be a bum, it’s nice to have someone (and some money) pushing you on. These have been some of my most productive months in my life.

The Bad

1. Procrastination

Despite what I just wrote about accountability, I do find myself slipping into this delusion that I have more time than I really do. This leads to me rushing to do things that I well could’ve done earlier.

For example, these posts are posted close to midnight because I rush to edit them. My last two YouTube videos were posted near the end of the month, having procrastinated on filming. Most of the Anki cards I do are done in the last hour of the day.

The danger with all this is that it gives the illusion that you have time. If I apply this psychology to life generally, I might squander these precious years and hours I have today. As Seneca wrote, the whole future lives in uncertainty: live immediately.

It would be good to build more of a hour-by-hour calendar – something that tells me what I need to do and when to do it by. I used to do this practice more in undergraduate but my neuroticism levels have been frighteningly low this year. Perhaps it’s time to bring it back.

Goals

1. Two YouTube videos a month;
2. Make daily plans;
3. Keep up my accountability challenges.

It’s been three months since my last check-in post, so here we are with another edition. I have to admit, the last few months flew past and I almost forgot I was supposed to write this. But here we are, with the same questions as usual:

1. What was good?
2. What wasn’t so good?
3. Goals for the months ahead?

Let’s do it.

The Good

1. Happiness
I’ve been in a great mood over the past few weeks. Some little wins include:

• Spending quality time with my family and partner;
• Writing consistently;
• Breaking my phone addiction;
• Reaching a Bullet rating of 1600 on Chess.com;
• Finishing a Deep Learning course on Coursera;
• Moving into a new house;
• Reading some great books.

Yet, there’s also been some internal wins that have taken place. Perhaps the biggest one is being comfortable with being myself. For the first time ever, I don’t really care how other people see me. It doesn’t matter if it’s praise or insults – nothing seems that personal anymore. It’s sort of arrogant, but beautifully liberating.

2. Writing
Still writing two posts a week – am thinking of increasing this to three a week soon.

What I’ve recently realised is that I don’t create ideas when I write, it’s more that I find ideas. There is so much junk in surface-level awareness that to find interesting thoughts, I need to dig. One of the goals of writing is to dig for as many of these higher-quality thoughts as possible.

So, writing more can only help me understand myself better, which is a great thing.

3. Phone use
I’ve finally broken my phone addiction. This is huge. I now have more control over my time and am actually aware of how I’m using my devices.

Two exercises that I have to thank:

• Putting my phone usage on my home screen;
• Setting a challenge for <2 hours of screen time per day, per week.

The not-so-Good

1. Fitness
Due to injury, I haven’t been running at all these last three months. Running was such a core part of my identity last year and now it’s been taken away. Although I’ve been swimming to compensate, it still feels different.

It feels like being a runner is a title I can no longer claim, which is kind of sad. Maybe swimming will be the new thing – we’ll see.

2. YouTube
I was meant to continue with my Books I’ve Loved YouTube series, but have failed to record anything. I could blame factors like being interstate or not having my PC for this inactivity, but the truth is I’ve just been lazy.

The toughest thing about YouTube is the energy. I’m naturally a mellow person and have a default energy level of around a 3/10. On camera though, it feels like I have to be a 7-8/10 to be watchable. Getting to this state is exhausting.

Yet, I recently had a chat with some friends from YouTube and they told me to just be myself. To them, seeing someone be themselves is one of the best qualities in any personal channel. That was some great advice.

Now that I’m settled into a new apartment, I have no excuses to not make videos. Let’s do it.

Goals

1. Make one YouTube video a month;
2. Change this domain name to erictian.com (I’m kind of done with neotericreflections.com – this was initially intended to be anonymous but now I’m ready to own my thoughts);
3. Post 3x a week: Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

With winter comes spring, and with time comes a new check-in post. The world has been somewhat chaotic recently, and I’m looking forward to tuning in to my own thoughts. As usual, this post will aim to tackle three questions:

1. What was good?
2. What wasn’t so good?
3. Goals for the months ahead?

Let’s get started.

The Good

1. Reading

For a long time, my response to the question, “What is your most valuable habit?” was journaling. But as I look back on my life and things that have shaped me, there is an obvious answer that sticks out: books. Through books, I’ve encountered ideas and stories that have forced me to confront some of my ideologies. And since our perception of things is all we have, reading is coming very close to becoming my most valuable habit.

In my last check-in post, I set a goal to read a book a week, which I’m glad to say has been achieved. The 12 books I read over the last quarter consisted mostly of fiction such as Yoko Ogawa’s The Housekeeper and the Professor, W.S. Maugham’s The Moon and Sixpence and Brandon Sanderson’s award-winning novella, The Emperor’s Soul (free pdf here). These stories were all lovely, and took me to worlds and ideas never explored before.

However, some non-fiction texts such as Rutger Bregman’s Utopia for Realists and Jay Shetty’s Think Like a Monk sparked new ideas in the realm of economics and spirituality, which were greatly transformative as well. As usual, I’m looking forward to exploring new worlds in the domain of books.

2. Happiness

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been in a pretty good mood over the last few months. It seems like a combination of healthy relationships, challenging work and mesmerizing literature does wonders to the human spirit.

In particular, one thing I’ve come to appreciate is relationships. Having people you love and who love you back is one of the greatest blessings in the world. I’m still amateurish at keeping in touch with people, but here’s a shout-out to my friends, family and partner. I know it’s lame, but you know who you are, and I appreciate you a lot.

The not-so-good

1. Exercise

I haven’t been exercising a whole lot recently. My birthday earlier this month sent me into a long food coma and I haven’t been the same since. Although I’ve been cycling more than usual, my strength training and running hasn’t been as consistent. In July, I was running 4-5 times a week. Now, I’m barely running twice a week.

I’ll use this as a reminder how quickly habits can break if you neglect them.

2. Discipline

Sometimes, I feel like the laziest person in the world. There’ve been many times this quarter where I simply haven’t felt like filming a YouTube video, cleaning my room or doing coursework. And increasingly, my lazy side is emerging victorious.  

For the first time in three months, I missed my monthly Books I’ve Loved YouTube series, where I discuss books I’ve loved over a particular month. The July and August videos just never happened. It started off with a string of excuses like, “my laptop is too slow,” or “my Premiere Pro subscription ran out” until eventually, October came around and I just did it.

One antidote to the problem of laziness is accountability, so I’m using this platform as a means to do stuff. And this leads me to the goals ahead:

Goals

1. Maintain reading a book a week.
2. Maintain posting here twice a week.
3. Maintain the monthly Books I’ve Loved YouTube series.

It’s hard to believe only three months have passed since the last quarterly check-in. The world has been busy to say the least, with events such as the Black Lives Matter movement and the coronavirus pandemic consistently dominating current affairs. As usual, this check-in post will be an opportunity to reflect on the last three months with three questions:

1. What was good?
2. What wasn’t so good?
3. Goals for the months ahead?

Let’s get started.

The Good

1. Reading

One of my goals from the last check-in post was to read four books per month. Over the last quarter, I managed to read 11 books, which was one short of my goal. However, my fondness towards reading has only blossomed over the last few months and that seems like a great success.

I’ve mostly been reading fiction, such as the works of Hemingway (A Farewell to Arms), Murakami (The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Norweigian Wood) and Brandon Sanderson (Mistborn trilogy). Reading is becoming an increasingly sacred part of my days and I’m excited to explore new worlds over time. Here’s Neil Gaiman on the power of reading which deeply resonates with me:

“Dear Person Reading This,

A writer can fit a whole world inside a book. Really. You can go there. You can learn things while you are away. You can bring them back to the world you normally live in.

You can look out of another person’s eyes, think their thoughts, care about what they care about.

You can fly. You can travel to the stars. You can be a monster or a wizard or a god. You can be a girl. You can be a boy. Books give you worlds of infinite possibility. All you have to do is be interested enough to read that first page…

Somewhere, there is a book written just for you. It will fit your mind like a glove fits your hand. And it’s waiting.

Go and look for it.”

2. Contentment

Last quarter, I was having trouble resolving some inner conflicts. Differing opinions on various narratives resulted in an internal war which led to chronic exhaustion like two lions swiping and growling at each other’s throats. However, these beasts have slowly been tamed and I’ve become content in not having all the answers. I’ll probably write more on this in the future, but I’m coming to the realisation that many great questions lack satisfactory answers. And that’s perfectly okay.

3. Relationships

I’m so, so grateful to have maintained most of my relationships over the last few months and to have also consolidated new ones. The knowledge that there are people who’ll support you and listen to you no matter how bad your day is a comfort that makes the deepest part of my existence vibrate with gentle joy.

The not–so-good

1. Discipline

Nothing new here. Still spending much more time than I’d like to scrolling through social media and consuming useless YouTube content. Think I’ll need to reread James Clear’s Atomic Habits to get over this slump – I’ve been productive before and with the right strategies, I know I can get there again.

2. Running

I recently got sidelined from running due to an Achilles injury (again). My suspicion of how this keeps flaring up looks like this:

1. Lockdown -> not much walking -> weakening of lower leg muscles.
2. Normal running regiment + weak lower leg muscles = overloading the Achilles -> injury.

While I’m recovered now, there’s no doubt a lot of fitness has been lost.

I have to admit though, the passion I once had for running is slowly dimming. The lockdown has revealed running is mostly a social activity for me – training with the Uni club, jogging with some mates etc. – rather than something I do for purely leisure. Perhaps at one stage, running did serve that meditative function in my life but it’s now gone, perhaps replaced by the secrets hidden within books.

Goals

1. Maintain reading a book a week.
2. Maintain posting here twice a week.
3. Re-read Atomic Habits and aim for less time spent on the phone per day (aim: <1hr).

The last 3 months have been very strange. Medical school started with a bang, filled with a flurry of socialising, learning and developing routines with increasingly familiar faces. Then just as routines were finally setting into stone, lockdown happened and everything crumbled, leaving a large, gaping hole where familiar pillars once stood. In light of everything, this quarterly check-in post will aim to inject a little bit of stability into this COVID chaos – as usual, I’ll aim to answer the following 3 questions:

1. What was good?
2. What wasn’t so good?
3. Goals for the months ahead?

The Good

1. Writing/reading

With practicals and clinical placements being cancelled, time has been freed up for hobbies outside of medicine such as reading. A total of 11 books were read over the last 3 months, with highlights including The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories by Ken Liu, The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson and a re-read of When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. There were some stunning passages in these books and my Evernote document for book notes recently passed the 1000-word mark, filled with ideas I’ve loved or found interesting. While 11 books comfortably meets my goal of reading a book a fortnight from my January check-in, I’m sure I could read more if I dared myself to and so I will.

A natural output of reading is writing. Over the last 3 months, I’ve transitioned from writing fortnightly posts, to weekly posts, and now bi-weekly posts every Sunday and Thursday which has been a lot of fun. It’s such a privilege to be able to mould fleeting thoughts into something tangible and share these random insights with others. To this day, it still amazes me that some people seem to enjoy them.

Since we’re in the middle of what will no-doubt become a major historical event, I’ve also found stability in doing Morning Pages, a journaling method involving writing 3 pages of anything that’s on my mind in the morning. It’s amazing what you can find if by digging around in your head and one day, I’m sure it’ll be nice to look back on these thoughts.

2. Running

Due to an Achilles injury in March, I’m not any faster than I was this time last year. However, I’ve come to love running a lot more thanks to reading some books on running, particularly one called 80/20 Running: Run Stronger and Race Faster by Training Slower. Despite it sounding like a huge scam, this book transformed the way I thought about running faster which is essentially this: run slow to run fast. Through these principles, I’m currently running injury-free, beginning to notice improvements in my times and most importantly, am enjoying running more than ever. Even though I’m not any faster than last year, I’ll count that as a big success.

The not-so-good

1. Nonurgency

One of the dangers in lacking a rigid structure is the illusion that you have more time than you really have. In addition with Parkinson’s Law (work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion), this leads to some seriously unproductive days. Since lockdown, my motivation for doing anything remotely difficult has plummeted, now leaving me an embarrassing amount of lectures behind schedule and developing dangerously lax habits such as gaming and binge-watching TV shows. While I don’t think these activities are necessarily harmful, a part of me knows I could be using this rare period to try new things, expand my knowledge or develop stronger relationships. Alas, the internal struggle continues.

2. Doubts

I was contemplating putting this into the ‘Good’ section of this post but after some consideration, I’ve decided to write this here. The last few months of uncertainty have provided many opportunities to question some of the narratives that I’ve accepted over the years. From fairly mundane ideas of running regimes to religious doctrines that shape my identity, many of the beliefs I’ve held have come under scrutiny. This has resulted in some pretty dark moments and frankly, I’m more troubled as a person. It feels as though there’s a battle between a skeptical, trouble-making entity and an innocent, truth-seeking child within me, with both sides refusing to give in. And while I know re-examining one’s beliefs from time to time is healthy, it’s also terribly exhausting.

On a random and lighter note, if the materialists are correct, then these chaotic monologues are just the product of bizarre quantum mechanics doing its thing. I find this hilarious and insane at the same time.

Goals

1. Read 4 books a month.
2. Develop a consistent sleeping routine.
3. Figure out how to deal with my internal doubting warzone. Any suggestions are appreciated.
   

Check-in Archives

• January 2020: Check-in
• October 2019: Check-in
• July 2019: Check-in
• April 2019: Check-in

This post marks the 4^th iteration of my quarterly check-in posts (1, 2 and 3), which I guess marks one whole year of reflecting in a public domain. I always find writing these helpful as they provide a sense of stability amongst the busyness of life, so I have no reason to stop. As always, I’ll aim to answer the following questions regarding the last 3 months:

1. What was good?
2. What wasn’t so good?
3. Goals for the months ahead?

The good

1. Travelling

This period was the busiest travelling period I’ve ever had. Two new countries visited: New Zealand and Malaysia, and one new city: Canberra, on top of Perth and Sydney to visit family. Travelling this much was new for me and though it was undeniably tiring, I enjoyed creating experiences with some amazing people. From the mountains of Wanaka to Char Kuay Teow in Penang, these travels have given me insight on how beautiful this world is and how little of it I’ve seen. As a result, a resolution of mine is to travel more this year. One new country is already planned: Germany, for the Berlin marathon in September, which is exciting.   

2. Writing

In my last check-in post, I made it a goal to write publicly 3 times a month. I’m pleased to say I’ve managed to keep to this goal, with 9 posts being written over the last 3 months. Finding my own writing style is still a work in process, though it’s been fun playing with the style of personal dialogues (e.g. Challenges of Medicine) vs. more essay-based styles (e.g. The Queen’s Gambit and Undiscovered Narratives). I personally enjoy writing both, though the more dialogue-based posts tend to require a bit more vulnerability. I’m looking forward to writing and experimenting more this year, with poetry and short stories on the radar.

3. Reading

For me, reading seems to be the highest quality form of learning out there. Of course, there is merit in YouTube videos or podcasts but there is something special about a book, where decades of a one’s knowledge are condensed into a neat, little package ready for consumption. These last few months I managed to read 12 new books, including my first fantasy novel The Name of the Wind which I thoroughly enjoyed. New worlds and insights are hidden in books and I hope to uncover many more this year, amongst juggling my commitments as an incoming medical student.

The not-so-good

1. Laziness

This holiday season marked some of the laziest and most unproductive days of 2019. Healthy, established habits gradually gave way to damaging, old practices as my motivations for being productive approached zero. Some of these useless practices included gaming in the form of online chess and the MMORPG Guild Wars 2. YouTube is still a resource which I feel like I struggle to exert control over and often find myself lost on it for hours. Perhaps an argument could be made that the holidays warrant some unproductive behaviour but I’m not convinced – there are surely more productive forms of entertainment such as running or catching up with a friend. I’m not sure how I’m going to fully deal with this problem but as they say, the first step to solving any problem is recognising there is one.

2. Running

A drawback to travelling is the disruption of a consistent running schedule, amongst other things. Between November and now, I averaged only 10km of running a week, whereas between August to October had an average of 46km per week. I suspect my fitness level currently is the lowest it’s been in over a year. With a triathalon coming up in March and two marathons on the radar later this year, it’s time to get back into training.

Goals

1. Running: Getting back to prior fitness: sub-19 5k by April.
2. Writing a post every week. This is perhaps a little audacious but it’ll be a good challenge.
3. Reading a book every fortnight.

A word comes to mind as I reflect on the last few months: Zenosyne. It’s defined as:

n. the sense that time appears to be moving faster and faster – especially as one grows older – speeding towards the inevitable conclusion that will arrive unexpectantly soon.

Currently, it’s the week of SWOTVAC for my final semester of exams, which means I’m unofficially done with my undergraduate studies. This comes with mixed feelings – relief that it’s over, gratitude to have met great people, regret about not having done more, uncertainty about the future – but perhaps the biggest feeling is zenosyne: that each day seems to last one second less, that time is relentlessly accelerating, forcing me to adapt or be left behind. The first day of undergrad feels recent, second year feels like a familiar friend and the start of this semester feels like yesterday… but now it’s over. This is both an unsettling and exciting call to action.

It’s now been 3 months since my last check-in post. This is my third iteration of this process and I’ve found it to be useful every time so I think I’ll continue doing these. And so, here we go again: What went well these last few months? What didn’t go so well? And what are my goals heading into the months to come?

The good

1. Running

Running-wise, the main focus of the last few months was the Melbourne Marathon (Oct 13^th), which is the first marathon I’ve ever done. Training for this was a crazy experience: running 60km+ a week, doing 30km long runs, foam rolling daily and maintenance work in the gym were all foreign concepts to me until a few months ago. Despite this, the process taught me a lot and the actual marathon was perhaps the funnest challenge I’ve ever done. In training, I was able to get a lot closer with my fellow MUAC athletes, appreciate the importance of rest and recovery and feel my body adapt as I pushed it to run longer distances every week. While I’m satisfied with my time (3:20:59, 4:43min/km), I’ve definitely been bitten by the marathon bug and hope to complete more in the years to come.

2. Reminders

To be honest, the last few months were far from ideal. While I’ve recently developed good habits of reading the Bible and socialising, other habits which I’d built over the last few years such as reading books in general and journalling have begun to fade away. I suspect this contributed to me feeling a little lost over September, eventually leading to burnout. Thankfully, I was able to learn from this hollow period, which taught me the importance of strong relationships, consistency and prioritising activities that are fundamental to my wellbeing. Provided I remember these lessons, I’ll take this period overall as a win.

The not-so-good

1. Phone use

It irks me to admit this, but I’ve been spending an excessive amount of time on my phone in the last few months. I often find myself reaching for it when I’m bored instead of doing something more productive like reading, chatting to a friend or just being still. Most of the time spent on the phone isn’t even productive – it largely consists of mindlessly scrolling through social media or watching gaming videos and usually occurs when I’m procrastinating for something. Perhaps just getting started on tasks that need to be done is the real issue here.

2. Reading

For the first half of this year, I was reading about a book a week. And it was amazing. But for some reason, the practice began to wane and I’ve only managed 3 books in the last 2 months. It’s not like I have nothing to read – there’s currently 10 books and 2 audiobooks on my to-read list – but somehow, it’s lost its place as a priority. I think writing this is a good reminder to put reading back on the radar. After all, there is something magical about sitting alone under a lamp, book spread before you, and communing with someone whom you have never met.

Goals

So, in light of a fairly dull last few months, what are my goals for the future?

• Make things that need to be done as simple as possible
• Rebuild reading and journalling into my habits, and not let any successes get to my head
• Post at least 3 times a month here

I’m also flirting with the idea of setting up a YouTube channel, where I interview strangers on the street and ask about random topics such as joy, health, family or goals. I’ve found doing walk-ups in Christian Union and my church to be an incredible (albeit intimidating) opportunity to gain new perspectives on all sorts of things, and I think a channel like this would force me to continue this practice.

When I first wrote my first check-in post back in April, a post aimed to ‘summarise’ the last few months, I found it quite refreshing to reflect on the months that had gone by and consider my goals for the months ahead. It’s now been three months since that post, and I feel like it’s time for another one. A few things have happened since then, including the commencement and finishing of exams, medicine interviews and holidays, giving me a lot to think about.

The Good

1. Attitudes to work

I’ve been casually working at CSL (a biotechnology company) for 7 months now as a research assistant and things are picking up. I’m by far the most unqualified person to work in a CSL lab – I’m only here on a 12-month placement while other workers have Masters/PhD qualifications – but I’ve recently started to get the hang of things and appreciate things more. I’ve since changed my attitude towards work from being a means of financial freedom, to a privilege to be able to learn and serve the community. This attitude change is remarkably infectious to other areas of life: whether that be doing the dishes (“wow, I have running water and a stove to cook with”) or getting out of bed (“wow, how amazing it is that I can wake up and live: let’s go and make the most out of this day”).

2. Running

In my April post, I set two running goals for myself: to run a sub-19 5k and a sub-40 10k by July. How did I do? Well, throughout cross country season I managed a 5k split of 18:58 in a 6k race, achieving my sub-19 5k goal. I attempted my 10k goal in a 10k road race, but ran an official time of 40:00.74 – less than a second off my sub-40 goal. While it’s a bit of a shame, I’m still happy to have gotten so close. When I wrote those goals back in April, I honestly didn’t really believe I’d be able to achieve them; they seemed way too fast. Being able to (nearly) achieve them gives me gratitude towards God for giving me the opportunity to run and live, and confidence to go out and try other things.

3. Faith

This isn’t number one on this list because for a few weeks, I was very complacent about my faith. Maybe it was exams, USyd medicine interviews* or full-time work over the break, but other things seemed to take priority over spending time meditating over scripture, evangelising or fellowship with church community. My wake-up call arrived on a camp in late July, where I spent time with some Christians and was forced to question what I was really living for. That camp sparked in me a newfound joy in scripture and a hunger to go out and love others. It was a great reminder of the importance of church community as emphasised in Hebrews 10:24-25. I’m super pumped to be able to serve in church and Uni ministry this semester and I’m excited to see what lies ahead.

*A bit of a side node on Uni and medicine interviews: I must give a few shout-outs. One is to my sister, who in the two weeks leading up to interviews, called me every night to give me support and practice with me despite her hectic schedule as a lawyer. I really don’t deserve her. Another friend I am most grateful for is Ali Abdaal. His YouTube videos on study techniques and medicine interviews highkey saved my WAM for the last two semesters and helped my med interview prep immensely.

The not-so-good

1. The holidays

…were largely unproductive. I had vague goals to read more, do more exercise and build closer relationships, but while I did do a bit of these things, I also wasted a tremendous amount of time. The habits I had established during semester pretty much fell to pieces, leaving me with little direction and letting my ‘instant gratification monkey’ run rampant. Luckily, I was able to get over this bad phase through some words from scripture, some eye-opening articles and some discussions with friends. These holidays have definitely made me weary of my instant gratification monkey in the future though.

2. Relationships

One of my goals for my last ‘check-in’ post was to love God and to love others more. And while I still stand by this, I think I need to make this goal a little less vague, for I feel as though I haven’t done much to cultivate as many meaningful relationships as I could. Superficial friendships drain me to the point of wanting to literally crawl underneath the Earth in frustration (haha #introvert) and so this is important not just as a calling, but also for me as a person. And so, this leads me to:

Goals

1. Meditate on scripture every day for >5 minutes and catch up with >1 person a week for a face-to-face chat.
2. Running: Maintain 50k+ a week and not get injured in preparation for my first marathon in October!
3. Post at least twice a month on the blog.

I’ve recently felt like I’ve been losing myself a little. The last few weeks have been quite hectic with MSTs, work and other commitments and when April rolled around, I couldn’t believe it. It seemed like Week 1 of semester just a few days ago. It’s Good Friday today and I’m currently in Sydney visiting my amazing sister Lana and so I figured this would be a good time to reset and reflect on the semester so far – what’s been good, not so good, and what my goals are for the year ahead.

The good

1. Faith

I’ve been challenged to take my faith in Christianity more seriously this year – something I don’t know why I didn’t do earlier. C.S. Lewis put it quite bluntly when he said:

“Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.”

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

As a natural sceptic and follower of the world, it’s been difficult letting my ego go and exploring what it means to be a follower of Christ. But as I’ve confronted some of my biggest struggles against Christianity – things like the resurrection, predestination and free will – I’ve found the answers to be more satisfactory than I could’ve ever imagined. It’s difficult to describe, but as I’ve begun to ‘open the door’, I’ve felt convicted by God’s word and a very real presence. Huge thanks to my brothers and sisters at Christian Union and my church for facing my scepticism and doubts with love and patience. I’m looking forward to seeing where my faith takes me.

2. Uni

This semester is proving to be the toughest I’ve ever had in terms of course load, with an average of 13 lectures a week (“tutorials” are really just another lecture slot – thanks M2M and cell bio) on top of 12 hours of work, 6-8 hours of training and other commitments in a start-up, ministry and reading a book per week. Yet, I’m really enjoying myself – I love all my subjects and am learning a lot. Thankfully, I’ve managed to take my own advice from the start of March by working consistently and it’s paying off. Despite having more to study, I’ve found I’m working a lot less than I was in first and second year and being more relaxed overall. I hope I can keep this up as finals begin to roll around.

3. Running

Running wise, it’s been a fantastic year so far. Summer training with the Melbourne Uni Athletics Club has paid off and I’m beginning to peak in my fitness, leading to PBs in the 5k (19:21), 10k (42:18) and Half Marathon (1:29:40) just in the last two months. The club members are also very quick and also great people in general. The people I’ve met through running are honestly like a second family to me. There’s something magical about going for a run with other people and listening to their footsteps, their breathing and sharing in their experience. I can’t wait to meet some more runners this year and break more PBs.

The not-so-good

1. Relationships

I’ve realised when I focus on myself too much, I can lose focus on the people around me. Sometimes, it leads to not calling my family or talking to some of my closest friends for weeks. This one really frustrates me because I truly believe genuine relationships are more important than good grades or personal development and I don’t want the people I cherish to think I don’t care about them. I’ll make a more conscious effort to reach out and catch up with people rather than focusing on myself so much for the rest of the year.

2. YouTube

When I think of the amount of time I’ve wasted on YouTube in the past few weeks I literally cringe. I’ve probably been spending 1-2 hours a day on YouTube and I can’t imagine the things I could’ve achieved if I’d spent that time more productively. To be fair, some of the videos are more ‘productive’ than others (TED Talks vs Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen) but I would almost certainly feel better by reading more books, going for a walk or hanging out with a friend rather than on YouTube. The biggest danger-times I’ve identified are when I wake up, when I’m eating meals alone at home, or when I’ve just gotten home from a busy day at Uni or work. I have an AdBlocker on my desktop but my phone is the biggest problem – it is just too easy to access YouTube and I haven’t found an AdBlocker that isn’t stupidly easy to disable when I’m feeling very lazy. However, I’m hopeful now that I’ve written this down that I’ll find a way to get over this problem.

Goals

1. Love God and love others more.
2. <1 hour each day on YouTube.
3. Running: Sub-19 5k and Sub-40 10k by July!